


How To Avoid Suspicion

by aphenglandstan



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Bisexual Carl Karl, Fake-Out Make-Out, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gay Monty Monogram, I wish to eat a mile of cheese spray, I’m so sorry for my overuse of FANBOYS, I’ve rated it G because it has the least explicit make-out scene ever akdkkfmgmg, M/M, Monty Monogram Has Daddy Issues, POV First Person, and yeah, anywho enjoy!!!!!, fancy party, humor but my sense of humor is interesting to say the least aksKDKFKKG, if that’s your thing or not, in canon and in this fic even though I never bring them up AKDKMFMMGM, it’s an hc so akdkfkkgmgn., like it’s just vague description of kissing, like just letting you know, listen like the thing where spies make out to not get caught yeah!!!!!, making out with someone for SOLELY MISSION PURPOSES!!!!!, monty’s sexuality’s not mentioned but uh, not like actual fanboys, the fanboy here is me, the grammar FANBOYS, they go to a
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:53:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27603791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphenglandstan/pseuds/aphenglandstan
Summary: Carl and Monty go on a mission together. And before they know it, they’re in a coat closet, bodies pressed together as they sweat in fear and also the heat of being in a coat closet with your body pressed against another person’s.
Relationships: Carl Karl/Monty Monogram
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	How To Avoid Suspicion

**Author's Note:**

> the first tag is a reference to something that happens in Undercover Carl for those of y’all who haven’t just watched that episode akkdmfmfmg. Phineas sprays cheese spray while they’re anti-gravity and then Ferb eats it. it doesn’t really have anything to do with the fic, but I just wanted to let y’all know.
> 
> anywho, gay rights.

The night was cold. Which I only remember because we ended up in the coat closet and we were all sweaty because we were dressed for the freezing outside instead of a stuffy coat closet- because the only closet I was planning to be in was the bi one, and I even messed that up.

But I should probably start this story from the beginning. I'm Carl Karl- I know- and this is the story of how I ended up making out with the guy I'd been pining for for years. Who's also my boss's son. Is that an HR violation? I mean he also works at OWCA, so honestly, probably.

But HR violation or not, the story began on the aforementioned cold night.

I'd been begging Major Monogram for months to let me go out on another mission. They were always so interesting and fun! And I always felt so useful. Like maybe I was really helping someone.

Of course, I didn't ever expect him to actually send me out. I _am_ just an unpaid intern, after all. I don't do much. But nonetheless, he caved after all of my relentless bugging, and offered me my very own mission.

Well, not _my very own_ mission.

I whined. "Come on, sir! Can I please just help out on the field?"

Major Monogram sighed and rubbed his temples. "Fine. You can accompany Monty on his mission. I guess it helps somehow that he hasn't started yet. Since we're almost done with work today, I'll brief you tomorrow."

"Yes! Thank you, sir! You won't regret this! You're the best boss ever!" I waved goodbye to him as I ran off, shouting as I got further. And I was determined to make him proud.

And then it sank in. I'd be on a mission with Monty. And somehow, my heart found a way to raise and sink and stop and beat fast all at once. Because while that meant more time with Monty, it also meant more time with Monty. More chances to look cool and like the best partner ever, but also more chances to screw up and embarrass myself.

I loudly groaned, facepalming in the parking lot.

\--------------------

Major Monogram sent me instructions. I got to see a little clip of him on _my_ watch for once, rather than being the camera guy.

Monty and I were to infiltrate a fancy, classy party, and we were to retrieve a safe. It had secret blueprints in it that a villain league wanted to hide. They intended to distribute them after the party, so we had to get the safe and get out. And not look suspicious while we did it.

I nodded at everything Major Monogram said, taking notes. I was going to be the best secret agent ever. Then Monty was going to notice me, and Major Monogram was gonna say he was proud of me. It was all going to go according to plan.

\--------------------

I could see his breath. I could see my breath. White clouds in front of us. I reached over to grasp his hand. (See! Cold night. It wasn't just me being thirsty for affection.) He took it, and my frozen fingers felt warm in his hand.

"Jeez, Carl. How did your hands even get this cold?"

"Well, you see, it's just that I didn't think to pack gloves or anything, and I get cold really easily, so like it just kinda happened, I guess."

He smiled, and I was reminded of one thing that I really loved about him. He was far too nice to mock me.

"That's okay. I'm kinda like a heater, so it's fine if you hold my hand if you want to." He gently squeezed my hand as he spoke. And he stood there, looking cute with his scarf wrapped cozily around his neck. Were it not for the cold that was the definite cause of his flushed cheeks, I'd think maybe he was blushing due to romantic interest. Which would've been very cool. Seeing as I was sure that I so definitely was. I leaned my head on his shoulder.

And that's how we walked in. Fingers intertwined, my head on his shoulder.

We pulled our hands apart to pull off our coats, and I watched his hand, too nervous to take it back into mine as I handed my overcoat to the man across the counter.

He left to put it in the coat closet, and Monty took my hand again.

He pulled his hat lower on his face with his other hand. "You just still look cold. You're all flushed and stuff."

"Thank you," I said, trying not to grin. "You're really helping to warm me up."

"No problem," he muttered, pulling me through into the ballroom.

"Wow..." I muttered, mouth agape as I looked at the fashion and the dancing and the food and really just everything about the party.

"Wow indeed," Monty said, shoving his hand that wasn't holding mine into his pocket.

"Um, we have to blend in, so... care to dance?" I asked, pulling my hand away from his to offer it right back to him.

"Why, Carl," he said, grinning as he played along, "I thought you'd never ask!"

I grabbed his hand and swung him around to the dance floor. We danced. We started off with a simple box step, matching the music and most of the other dancers around us. It felt romantic, though. It didn't feel like we were copying dancers around us; instead, it felt like we were the only dancers. Just Monty and I dancing to the music. I could've forgotten all about the safe. I didn't, but I could've.

We danced like that for... what was probably far longer than we should've, seeing as we were secret agents on a mission, but we couldn't help it! The dancing was addicting, and besides, it made me feel better about my purchase of slow dancing lessons a while before.

We box-stepped, we waltzed, we tangoed, we rumba danced, we square danced, we Cotton Eyed Joed, and we just held each other and swayed.

Yeah. The music variety there was _crazy_. You know, you never expect Cotton Eyed Joe to start blasting at an elegant, formal event until it does. And you kinda miss it when it's over. Like, where did it come from? Where did it go? Where did it come from, Cotton Eyed Joe?

But alas! All good things must come to an end. And dancing with Monty, being a _very_ good thing cursed me with an ending.

He leaned forward and whispered right into my ear. "Coat closet?"

"Yeah," I said back, taking care to be just as quiet.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me along with it, and we snuck away just like that.

Once we got inside, it hit me just how stuffy the coat closet was. It was hot and sweaty. Monty no longer needed to pull me along. My hands weren't cold. (If anything, they were sweaty.) He kept holding my hand. I didn't dare pull it away lest it never happen again.

But before long, we found our way into people's sillier coats.

I almost forgot about the safe.

Monty threw on someone's pirate-looking jacket. "Argh! Me hearty."

I snort-laughed, and he did too.

I tossed on someone's 15th-century-looking jacket, and did what was probably the worst British accent ever. "Tea and crumpets!"

Monty cracked up, and I joined him in it, before remembering our task.

"So where do you think the safe is?" I asked him, pulling off the coat.

"Well," he said, reaching and pulling a rack of coats apart, "hopefully around here."

And it was right there.

He grabbed it, and I briefly wondered whether or not we had more time to play with the fancy coats.

Then _it_ happened.

And just as soon as Monty and I's night of fun began, it was over. (Well, not exactly just as soon. We did dance for a while. But you know the old saying. Time flies when you're having fun and slows when you're being threatened at a fancy ballroom party.)

There was a loud crackling and a clearing of someone's throat from above. I glanced up to see speakers above head, and panicked as quietly as I could.

The voice finally started speaking, and the announcement rumbled through the speakers. "It has come to my attention that two human OWCA agents may be _attending_ our party. Everyone stay still. We will search you, and those agents of you who prove my tip to be true can be our guests of honor... **in my dungeon**!"

And with that, I heard stomping. I knew it was the man running the party and his people, going around room to room. And before long, they'd find us.

I heard a nearby door slam open, someone slamming things around in there, and then the door slam shut again.

I shoved the safe back behind coats, trying to get it back into its exact prior position and then pulled the coats back to covering it.

I tried not to even breathe. We were in a coat closet, surrounded by nothing but coats and walls. They were coming, and there was no chance of somehow escaping before they found us.

"I-" I panicked, barely able to stutter out my words. "We need to have a reason to be here."

I suddenly regretted ever asking for a mission. I was about to die, and Monty was going to die with me, and if Monty died while I was with him, Major Monogram would kill me! And never accept me into his family.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, before grabbing onto my shoulders, shoving me against the wall, and slamming his lips against mine.

I no longer regretted any of my actions. Any of them in my life. Since they all lead to that. His lips against mine.

It took a moment for what he was doing to even register in my head. Oh! He was giving us our reason. Just two guys about to get caught making out in a closet. The irony was palpable.

But more importantly than the humor of the situation was the situation itself. We had our reason! It's not suspicious at all to be making out with someone in a dark closet at a party.

And as the door creaked open, I shoved my tongue into Monty's mouth with so much force that for a split second, I was kinda afraid that it was gonna set off his gag reflex.

He grabbed my leg and pulled me closer up against him.

I heard the voice that called the announcements gasp, before clearing his throat.

"Um, go on, I suppose. You're not doing anything... suspicious." I just barely glanced over to see him covering his eyes as he left the room.

Monty didn't make eye contact, seeming to suddenly find the floor very interesting.

And before long, the footsteps were far off enough that we could barely hear them.

"Uh, Carl, I just-" Monty stopped mid-sentence, twiddling his thumbs and looking like he didn't know what to do with himself. I understood the feeling.

"Monty, I have to tell you something," I blurted out, not wanting to make things awkward with the pause and everything.

Until I suddenly realized that confessing my feelings to someone immediately after making out with them for solely mission purposes would more likely make things _more_ awkward. Just my luck, I supposed.

"Uhhhhh," I said, looking away just as he made eye contact. I tried to think of a lie, but eventually just decided to let the truth out. "I like you."

"Oh! Um, I see."

He paused for a moment, clutched at his fancy pants, and I had a heart attack due to the stress.

Well, not literally, but I'm sure I was pretty close to it.

"And the thing is that I like you, too," he finished, eventually deciding to devote his attention back to his hat as he muttered the words.

"Oh! That's good. So um, do you wanna do that for even more real some time?" I asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, that'd be nice," he said, taking my hand again and grabbing the safe under his other arm.

We ran around, left the closet (again, the humor in this!), hopped over the person who took the coats' counter (luckily, he was no longer there), and dipped.

We made it to the car and tossed the safe in the back. He started to drive away, then pulled over in a parking lot a little ways away.

I looked over at him, confused, and then he pulled me into a kiss. It was soft, and it was sweet, and it was everything I'd dreamed of.

Then Major Monogram called in to my watch.

"Carl?" He asked.

Then he noticed.

"Monty?!" He shouted.

I didn't bother to look down, fearing what I'd see.

"What are you two doing?" Major Monogram asked, as though he didn't have a rather nice view of exactly what we were doing.

And then Monty pulled my sleeve down to cover the watch, muffling Major Monogram's voice.

And then I really smiled. Chivalry truly wasn't dead.

Then Monty pulled away and smiled at me. And my mouth was agape as I just stared at him.

I clicked the button to hang up on my watch.

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked, please feel free to leave Kudos and/or a comment!!!!! :)! <3! they inspire me and help motivate me to write more.


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